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Star Wars Prequels DON’T Suck. The Edits You’ve Been Looking For.

So here’s the deal. Watching Star Wars is pretty much a must (even the Star Wars prequel trilogy). I always try to help people catch up as best I can. I even posted a way for people to watch all of the Star Wars movies at one time. But now it’s time to go a little further and do an even bigger solid for the Star Wars fans who have stuck with it since seeing their first scrolling intro.

There’s no secret that people collectively dislike the Star Wars prequel trilogy more so than don’t, be they casual or totally die-hard fans. It takes a particularly dedicated fan to see the actual potential in the Star Wars prequels, then take the time to cut out, overdub, and re-edit the movies so they’re back on par with Star Wars fans’ standards. So the question now becomes…

If you could rewatch the Star Wars prequel trilogy and actually LIKE them all at the end, would you?

The answer to that should be easy… YES, DUH!!! Well here’s your chance and if you’re still living under a large shadow of doubt, here’s the movies and the descriptions as to how they were made into a much better Star Wars movie.

Star Wars Prequel – Episode I: The Phantom Menace

– Nemoidian and Gungan voices are re-vocalized with alien dialect and subtitled.

– Journey to Gungan underwater city removed

– Jar Jar is now a useful character instead of an annoying tag-along

– Nemoidians are much more devious and less cowardly

– Childish Battle Droid dialog removed

– Queen Amidala’s voice is pitch-shifted back to her normal pitch. (Still could not remove her horrible British accent)

– Naboo pilot Ric Olié’s endless plot exposition removed when appropriate

– Midichlorian references removed

– Anakin immaculate conception removed

– All fart and poop jokes removed

– Anakin is edited to be a more deliberate hero instead of an accidental one.

– Removed as many “Yippe!” and “Whoa!” and “Whee!” exclamations as possible.

– Removed the two headed pod race announcer

– Shortened the podrace intro scene and tightened the whole race for more tension

– Removed the entire sequence of trying to capture the Viceroy at the end.

Onto the next…

Star Wars Prequel – Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Anakin and Padme’s scenes were drastically edited to make Anakin way less whiny and petulant, and most of the cringe-worthy dialog was removed. Jar-Jar’s voice as well as the voice of the Neimodians were either removed or replaced. Several scenes were removed entirely, most notably Anakin’s breakdown in the shop at the Lars homestead after killing the sandpeople, and R2 and C3PO are removed entirely from the ending battle in the droid factory and the arena. Those scenes were just too much cheese for my liking. There’s about 100 other little edits that tighten things up and helped this fatty lose about 20 minutes of run-time- and frankly I think it’s for the better. Again, your mileage may vary.

And to wrap it up, the most highly acclaimed of the Star Wars prequels, but still not without criticism…

Star Wars Prequel – Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

I took out Vader screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” at the end. Honestly, I thought that was about all I needed to do, because Jar Jar only said 2 words in this film so I thought it would be an easy edit. Turns out that I needed to cut about 15 minutes of cheese in order to get this baby down to about 2 hours and 5 minutes.

Collectively, we should all be tipping our cap to JeremyMWest-Esquire for taking the time to execute what we’ve all been dying to see from the start. For more like this, there’s really no better option for you than to get on board with everyone else and  follow me on facebooktwitter and instagram.

By: Eli Rebich

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